I couldn’t believe he had to leave.
He had to leave for the other side of the world.
I had a strong feeling that I’d never see him again.
I had been living in this small messy apartment alone for five years as my parents hardly had any time to take care of me. I was forced to rely on no one but myself since I was fourteen. Having almost no interaction with everybody, nobody liked me at school. But I was used to that.
Things started to change when he came into my life. Three years ago, his family moved in the apartment next to mine. And he happened to be a student at my school. Every morning, we walked towards the same direction. After some time he started chatting with me a little. He wasn’t really a good talker but it always made me feel normal and comfortable to talk to him. When he saw my sad face, he would bring some lame jokes to make me smile. I tried to open up myself more and more. It didn’t take long for us to become close friends.
We hung out together and had fun occasionally. It was always great to have him around. And he often took me to his friend’s party, introducing his friends to me. His friends are all nice and charming but I felt the happiest staying with him. I realized that he meant more than everything to me.
I loved this guy. He knew it. And I knew he felt the exact same way. We just never told each other because we didn’t have to.
I thought I was living in heaven, having an angel around me.
Until one day, he ended my life in paradise when we were going to school together. He told me he had to leave, I could just hear his quiet voice when he said it. I was in shock.
I wished I was dreaming. I wished it was just a small joke he made. I wished it wasn’t true…
He tried so hard to talk to me in the following days. He made a number of phone calls and waited for me to go to school in the morning. But all I did was rejecting the calls and avoiding him every morning. I didn’t want to do anything with him anymore. It hurts too much to do so, it would only make me miss him more, and it’d only make me cry. I didn’t want a farewell speech from him…
I was sitting in front of my window when the car to the airport arrived. I saw his family was busy transferring their luggage. He kept looking up at my direction. After they had finished packing their things, the car was about to go. He stared at me again, in tears.
I had never seen him cry before. Losing my control, I ran downstairs and opened the door to see him standing in front of me. He called my name a few times, I couldn’t remember how many. He slowly walked to me and hugged me. I could barely move. He gave me something in my hands and uttered a “goodbye” and then ran to the car.
Feeling tears in my eyes, I found a silver cross in my hand.
The car started to drive off, I saw him turned around looking at me through the glass. I waved with the cross in my hand. I whispered something… I wasn’t sure. It was the first time that he gave me a gift and it was the last time.
He didn’t leave an address or a phone number. Maybe he thought that it was the time for him to walk out of my life.
I will always wear the cross to remember him while I’m living a life without him.
The Cross
I couldn’t believe he had to leave.
He had to leave for the other side of the world.
I had a strong feeling that I’d never see him again.
I had been living in this small messy apartment alone for five years as my parents hardly had any time to take care of me. I was forced to rely on no one but myself since I was fourteen. Having almost no interaction with everybody, nobody liked me at school. But I was used to that.
Things started to change when he came into my life. Three years ago, his family moved in the apartment next to mine. And he happened to be a student at my school. Every morning, we walked towards the same direction. After some time he started chatting with me a little. He wasn’t really a good talker but it always made me feel normal and comfortable to talk to him. When he saw my sad face, he would bring some lame jokes to make me smile. I tried to open up myself more and more. It didn’t take long for us to become close friends.
We hung out together and had fun occasionally. It was always great to have him around. And he often took me to his friend’s party, introducing his friends to me. His friends are all nice and charming but I felt the happiest staying with him. I realized that he meant more than everything to me.
I loved this guy. He knew it. And I knew he felt the exact same way. We just never told each other because we didn’t have to.
I thought I was living in heaven, having an angel around me.
Until one day, he ended my life in paradise when we were going to school together. He told me he had to leave, I could just hear his quiet voice when he said it. I was in shock.
I wished I was dreaming. I wished it was just a small joke he made. I wished it wasn’t true…
He tried so hard to talk to me in the following days. He made a number of phone calls and waited for me to go to school in the morning. But all I did was rejecting the calls and avoiding him every morning. I didn’t want to do anything with him anymore. It hurts too much to do so, it would only make me miss him more, and it’d only make me cry. I didn’t want a farewell speech from him…
I was sitting in front of my window when the car to the airport arrived. I saw his family was busy transferring their luggage. He kept looking up at my direction. After they had finished packing their things, the car was about to go. He stared at me again, in tears.
I had never seen him cry before. Losing my control, I ran downstairs and opened the door to see him standing in front of me. He called my name a few times, I couldn’t remember how many. He slowly walked to me and hugged me. I could barely move. He gave me something in my hands and uttered a “goodbye” and then ran to the car.
Feeling tears in my eyes, I found a silver cross in my hand.
The car started to drive off, I saw him turned around looking at me through the glass. I waved with the cross in my hand. I whispered something… I wasn’t sure. It was the first time that he gave me a gift and it was the last time.
He didn’t leave an address or a phone number. Maybe he thought that it was the time for him to walk out of my life.
I will always wear the cross to remember him while I’m living a life without him.
Goodbye.
I wonder why I wrote this… 18 April 2003