My excuses:
a. Frustration at work
b. Letting (a) be my sole focus
c. Problems in the family
d. The World Cup (a happy distraction)

There were times I was simply too depressed for words. At this point, there is yet to be a perfect solution to everything. However, I have finally caught a break, and gather the motivation to go on and be myself again. I define myself by writing, and that’s what I am going to do.

In short, I am back and will be posting frequently again. And I don’t promise myself lightly.

We’re now on the first day of the second half of the year. To quote a dear friend, second half has just kicked off. Will I finally score a precious goal? I hope so. I’m not giving up yet.

Do you know what is the act of kindness which carries the amazing contagious power to brighten up one’s day a little? Smiling – which, admittedly, is something I rarely do. Possibly due to shyness, I’m not used to smiling at people, especially not strangers. It just doesn’t usually come naturally. If I try? I usually look like a Sheldon:

That is actually hilarious on me. But I digress.

I have come to realize one thing, though: Being polite and appreciative to strangers can have a similar effect. For introverts like me, it is so much easier, and it works out so much better. I’m often surprised by the positive responses I get!

For some inexplicable reasons, these days people seem to feel the need to be mean to others, most of whom don’t deserve such treatment. Most people don’t understand how such behaviours can affect others’ moods.

If possible, I’d rather improve someone’s day than make it awful. Since smiling proves a little bit too hard for me, I’m going to be the polite person. That might not help making someone’s day, it sure makes it easier.

To help myself, I’ve decided to start a personal project called Project Positive, which basically involves doing things to remind myself to maintain a more positive outlook. My only idea so far is a daily practice: when a day ends, I think of one reason to be cheerful and note it down somewhere.

It’s not as “big” as the name suggests, and knowing myself, it might not be easy. However, taking the initiative to change is what really makes it happen, even in tiny steps. And I am writing about it on here so that I will have no excuse to take it back! I am having my fingers crossed.

To my absolute horror, an apartment building in Hong Kong collapsed yesterday afternoon. Four people were killed and two were injured. Several eye witnesses were evidently still shocked, and they told the news that it all happened within 10 seconds. It’s saddening to think that people were killed at home, which is supposed to be the safest place of all.

This kind of thing is extremely rare and Hong Kong is generally a very safe city. However, on a more personal level, it adds on to the randomness of everything. The building is in a town I visit almost every Sunday for private tuition. I dread to think what it will be like when my bus goes past there next time.

When I was 9, I first learnt about the deadly impact of earthquakes watching the news coverage of the Great Hanshin earthquake.

When I was 17, I read a book on the infamous Tangshan Earthquake as a part of my Chinese culture studies. My fellow classmates and I were not very aware of the political aspects of it, but we were all affected by the stories. A few of us started sobbing during the discussion session.

In 2004, the tsunami on Boxing Day shocked the world and my uncle had a narrow escape on Phuket, holding on to a tree.

I will admit that all these make me very emotional. But what do I know about earthquakes? Hardly anything. I can only imagine the agony, pain and suffering people in Haiti are going through. However, I do believe that it is within my ability, however small, to help.

I have donated $100 Hong Kong dollars to Red Cross through Red Cross Hong Kong. If you want to help the victims, here is a list of trusted organisations you may make donations to.¹ Alternatively, keep the victims in your prayers whatever your beliefs might be. Every effort helps.

1. If you are not from the States, check out their local offices.

This photo was of me,  at my happiest.

We have made it into 2010. All seem immensely hopeful and promising. On the other hand, going back to old mundane life after a great start of a new decade is rather depressing to say the least.

I am not sure if I want to keep blogging. I know I would regret it if I ever quit, but emotions sometimes get the better of me.

This is not the way I want to live my life, in 2009 I let it drag on. I hope in 2010 I will be able to change things around.

Later in the year, two young Australian adventurers kayaked through the Tasman Sea successfully, taking a less dangerous route².

How shall we approach stories like this? Do we pay respect to their adventure spirit and continue to chase their dreams? Or do we lament the loss and thus conclude that combating against nature is a gamble?

Maybe the mind of adventurers, their thirst for excitement, the thrill and the fulfilment they get in the end are not something that I can ever understand. I feel adventurous at times, but the possibility (sometimes higher than other) that I might die is always undeniable. Expeditions are wonderful, but not being able to recount them afterwards is awful.

On the other hand, who wouldn’t like to die doing something they love? Just so happens that what they love can be life-threatening, it doesn’t mean they should not do it. Perhaps they would be able to reflect on their lives and have no regrets. Also, if you do enough preparation work, it is about as risky as travelling on a plane.

What drives us to embark on adventures? What is the line between having the fun of a life-time and getting yourself killed?

1. broadcast on BBC as Solitary Endeavour on the Southern
2. approaching the North Island instead of the South Island, I believe

I will settle for a shorter post about writing today.

Lately, I am bothered by how little I write creatively. Back at school/university, I usually managed to find time to write. The stuff written wasn’t necessarily great, but the productivity always was. Perhaps for me, the worst thing about working full-time is not the stress, but the lack of time and freedom to engage in creative activities that interest me. I am constantly tired. As soon as work is over, I only want to be lazy and idle.

However, I have come to understand that I am not myself without writing. And even if that means being physically tired, I need to write. With that in mind, I have worked out a plan – to make myself write at least two stories.¹

For the rest of 2009, I am going to start with pieces inspired by music. If you have read my stories, there have been some slightly embarrassing pieces which were inspired by songs. It should be a good place to start my plan because I listen to music every day on the way to work and back. The stories do not have to be related to the lyrics in any way – instead, they can be summaries or fragments of how the songs make me feel.²

I’m rather excited about this idea. There are already a few songs I’d like to work on for August. I’d only want to post the stories publicly after rounds of proofreading, though. If anyone would like to do that (perchance), you know you can contact me.

1. Longer ones, or pieces as short as flash fiction, something!
2. As a side note, I have started writing a story inspired by my all time favourite, “Wednesday the Third”. However, because of my huge emotional attachment to it, it was proved to be very difficult. The story is on hold indefinitely.

I was having sort of a mid-blog-life crisis. I am certain that some of my online friends would have sensed it, or even heard me complain. (Sorry!) This is what I was wondering: Do you pander the mass, talk about things you don’t even care about and get a lot of hits or do you keep writing about what you like and what inspire you?

I would go on and write a long and elaborated thought process, but upon random clicking, I spotted this comment from an old post:

Hi Melody! I’m Jihyun! I read your short stories! I loved them!

Ah uh². I was being an idiot! The answer is fairly obvious: Do what you like because more people appreciate it than you realise. Plus, posts with zero comments are equally fun to me! Therefore, more of those to come.

1. “They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back from the Dead!! Ahhhh!” from the album Illinois.
2. as Oprah would say…

Question: How can one gain confidence in the way they look?

I’d like some advice. It’s a bit more complicated than how I made it look, but it works better that way. I don’t like the way I am when I am down in the dumps thinking that I am absolutely hideous. My severely low self esteem also affects other people in a negative way. I would like to change.

(I’m okay now, but I would hate for that fit of depression to come back. )